Behind These Hazel Eyes
by StarFox-chan
Summary: When Dan has been staying in his bedroom and avoiding Phil completely for the past month, Phil realizes something is wrong. What will happen when Phil finds out? Will he be able to help Dan? And will things ever be the same again? Multi-chapter. Phan.
1. Finding out

**A/N: **Hello there everyone!

AN ACTUAL MULTI-CHAPTER PHAN FICTION? WHAT IS THIS

Yes, I am finally writing a multi-chapter phanfic, instead of my phan fluff one shots. I've been wanting to write a phanfic, but I had no ideas. I came across the song Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson and BAM, I got an idea for a phanfic. So yeah, this story was inspired by that song.

This phanfic will be told from both Phil and Dan's POV. I hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dan and Phil.

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**_Phil's POV_**

Dan is in his bedroom. He's always in his bedroom. He's been going and staying in his bedroom every night for the past month and not coming out till lunchtime the next day; and then he retreats back into his room at 5pm. He is only out of his room for 5 hours each day, and when he has to use the bathroom.

He has never been like this before. It only started a few weeks ago. When he began to spend all night in his bedroom, I thought he was browsing tumblr, filming, or editing a video, but I've checked his Youtube channel and he hasn't uploaded a video in weeks, and to add to that, he hasn't been on Twitter either. His fans are getting worried. Yeah, he's bad at uploading videos all the time but it's been A MONTH. Some of his fans have asked me if something is wrong with Dan. I've just replied that he is very busy or is visiting his family, but I know that's not the right answer.

I usually leave Dan alone and give him the privacy he needs. But this…four weeks…something is not right. I think it's time I found out what's going on, and why Dan has stayed locked up in his bedroom.

-:-

It's Wednesday morning. I'm in the kitchen, practicing my pancake flipping skills. I glance over at the oven clock. It's only 10:30am. Dan won't be out of his room for another hour and a half. He doesn't have any breakfast. He just has a sandwich for lunch, and that's it. No dinner either. I tried to give him some dinner when he started staying in his bedroom. He had locked the door, so I left it outside his door, but it was untouched when I went to bed, so I've given up on making him dinner.

When he is out of his room, he has his lunch and then either sits on the couch and assumes 'internet position' or plays video games for 5 hours. I made small conversation with him when this thing started, knowing that he didn't like being interrupted when browsing tumblr and playing Skyrim. But a few days later when I continued trying to make conversation, he just completely ignored me, so I gave up on that too.

But then I realized that giving up on Dan wasn't the best thing to do, so I should probably help him and ask him if anything is wrong. So that's what I'm going to do today.

I make 5 pancakes for myself, put them on a plate, and grab the bottle of golden syrup, heading into the lounge and setting myself down at the table. I grab the TV remote and switch on the TV, flicking through the TV channels to see if anything interesting is on. There is nothing, so I turn to the news channel and watch a lady read out boring news while I eat my delicious pancakes.

Suddenly, I hear a door open. It's Dan of course. Well he came out earlier than I thought, probably just to use the bathroom. I hear some shuffling and then it stops. I slowly turn around, a mouth full of pancake and see Dan standing in the doorway. I nearly choke on my pancake. He looks horrible.

Dan's hair is straight, but some parts of it are sticking up at awkward angles. He's wearing a crumpled t-shirt and sweatpants, his eyes are red and there are dark purple marks under his eyes. He looks so tired, depressed, lost.

I safely swallow my pancake. "…Dan?"

Dan suddenly turns on his heel and runs down the hallway and into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

I sigh and continue eating my pancakes.

After a few minutes, the bathroom door opens and I hear Dan run out and go straight into his room. From the way he looked, I doubt he'll be coming out of his room today.

I finish my pancakes and rise from the table, switching the TV off. After finishing in the kitchen, I go into my room, get dressed and then go into the bathroom. I notice that the tissue box is missing and I have a strong feeling that Dan stole it. I reach under the sink and replace the missing tissue box. And after getting sorted in the bathroom, I decided to face Dan.

I walked out of the bathroom and down the hallway, stopping in front of Dan's bedroom door. I hesitated and then slowly knocked. "Dan?"

There's no reply. Of course, he is ignoring me, but I had at least expected a 'go away phil'. If he had said anything, I couldn't hear it. I took hold of the door handle and twisted it, realizing it was not locked. I slowly pushed the door open and peered in.

Dan's bedroom was in darkness. Curtains were drawn across the small window. In the darkness, I could see that clothes and random objects lay across the floor, making the room a mess. Dan's totoro, along with a pillow, were on the other side of the room, instead of being on Dan's bed. A Pikachu lay by the door, along with a massive pile of clothes, and Dan's amber lamp was on the floor by the window. Dan's laptop lay open on the floor in the middle of the room, and I noticed that all the pictures that hung on the walls were all lopsided. The rest of the objects and clothes just lay scattered around the room. I stepped further into the darkened room, being careful not to stand on anything. I looked up and spotted Dan, lying face-down on a pile of bed sheets, clothes and pillows on his bed.

"D-Dan?" I spoke up, slowly approaching the bed. I saw him twitch and I stopped in my tracks.

I watched Dan as he slowly raised himself onto his elbows and turned around, glaring at me.

"Dan, are you ok?" I asked horrified, glancing around the room again. When did he trash the place? I was really concerned now. I wish I had known he had done this, and then I could have helped him.

"Does it look like I'm ok?" Dan answered angrily.

I jumped. I hadn't heard his voice in the long time, but…it wasn't his voice. This voice was deep and dark. It wasn't Dan's true voice.

I swallowed. "Erm, no, it doesn't. Dan…why is your room like this? Why…" I broke off and caught his gaze. "What's happening? What's wrong?"

Dan's face crumpled up. It looked like he was about to cry, and then he suddenly shouted. "Get out!"

"Dan…" I began to protest.

"GO AWAY PHIL!" Dan yelled, burying his head in the pile of bed sheets again.

I quickly turned and scuttled out of the room, not wanting to make things worse. I closed the door and leant against it, feeling horrible that I had made him cry.

It hit me that something was seriously wrong with Dan. It had never happened before as far as I knew. Dan was usually such a happy and cheerful person, and now he had been replaced by a dark and negative Dan. I just wish I had found out sooner, and then maybe I could've helped him. I realized that leaving people alone was not a good way to help. But this was not going to happen any longer. I was determined to help Dan.

I didn't think Dan would come out of his room today, so I went into the kitchen and made him a sandwich with his favourite fillings. I also put two oreo's and my chocolate bar on the side of the plate. I decided that Dan needed the chocolate more than I did. And plus chocolate cured depression and relieved stress or something, didn't it?

I took the plate and walked back to Dan's room. I opened the door and quietly walked into the dark room again. I lay the plate on the floor next to the Pikachu, not daring to get close to Dan in case he lashed out at me.

"I made you some lunch," I said, and crept out of the room. I shut the door and sighed. _'I'll leave Dan alone for the day and try to talk to him tomorrow,'_ I thought. I walked down the hallway and into the lounge, deciding to play Crash Bandicoot to pass the time.

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**A/N: **So, what did you all think? Please leave a review. :3

I will upload the next chapter soon, when I write it up on my laptp, because I'm actually writing this story in a school book. XD

Yeah. :3

-StarFox-chan


	2. Abusing the plushies

**A/N: **Wow. Thank you everyone for all the favourites and follows and reviews! :3 COOKIES FOR ALL OF YOU.

Here is the second chapter!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dan and Phil.

**Warning: **Language. That's it.

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**_Dan's POV_**

"I made you some lunch."

I hear Phil's voice once again and then he creeps out and shuts the door.

I stay buried in my pile of clothing for a moment until I hear my stomach rumble. I slowly raise my head, my eyes blurry, filled with tears. I try to blink them away, but some escape and roll down my cheeks. I angrily brush them away and sit up, swinging my legs out of bed.

I spot the plate with the sandwiches and slowly stand up, stumbling over to it. Even with my eyes adjusted to the dark, I don't see where I'm going and I trip over my laptop, crashing down onto the floor.

"Fuck," I muttered, wincing, as I try to sit up.

The plate is just in reach, so I grab the edge and pull it over, deciding to have lunch on the floor. I see that Phil has made my favourite sandwich, and he's added some chocolate.

I'm still not happy. Did Phil really think that chocolate would make me feel better? He doesn't know anything. He's not even trying to help me, but why would he even try? He's just given up on me, like everyone else I know.

My eyes fill up with tears again. But I don't brush them away. I let them fall freely. I've learnt to let them fall, and not to keep them bottled up inside.

I grab one of the sandwiches and take a small bite. But now I'm not hungry. When you cry, you lose your appetite.

-:-

**_Phil's POV_**

It was 11pm. I was sitting on the couch in the lounge. I had just finished watching an old episode of Buffy. The credits began to roll, and I smiled to myself, picking up the TV remote and switching the TV off.

Unfamiliar silence filled the room. I blinked, not used to the quiet. Usually when Dan and I watched TV late at night , Dan usually made a remark about what we just watched, and then stretched, either getting up to get something to eat or to get his laptop and assume 'internet position' and stay there till 4am.

I sighed and got up, heading to the bathroom. As I finished in there, and then changed into my pyjamas, which was one of my lion t-shirts and checkered pyjama pants, I walked to Dan's door and stopped in front of it. I hesitated before slowly opening the door.

I peered into the even darker room, now that it was night time. I didn't see the sandwich plate I had given to him at lunch on the floor, so I stepped into the room and spotted it on the bedside table. I crept over to get it, hoping Dan wasn't awake. As I crept closer, I realized he was asleep. He was facing the door, lying on his stomach. One hand was slung over the side of the bed. He looked so peaceful. I smiled and spotted a blanket on the floor, so I picked it up and gently lay it over Dan.

I smiled again and picked up the plate, creeping out of the room and quietly closing the door.

As I washed the plate in the kitchen, Dan's peaceful face kept creeping into my mind. He looked so adorable.

Wait, what? I stopped washing the plate. Did I just think of Dan as adorable? Stop Phil. Dan is your best friend. You don't think of him any other way. You're straight.

I shook my head, getting rid of the thought in my head, and continued washing the plate. I stacked it away and then began to go around the apartment turning off all the lights, and then heading to my bedroom.

As I turned the light off in my room and climbed into bed, Dan's face yet again appeared in my head. I sat up and slapped my hand on my forehead_. 'Ugh, why is Dan in my mind?'_ I thought. I sighed. I was straight…wasn't I?

-:-

The next morning arrived, and I woke very slowly, feeling very sleepy. After Dan's peaceful face appeared in my head, I spent what seemed like hours last night, telling myself that I was straight and that I wasn't into Dan that way. Well, half of me was saying that, and the other half was screaming at me and telling me I liked Dan in that certain way.

I sat up, barely able to keep my eyes open. I threw back the bedcovers and stumbled out of bed, staggering over to the window and drawing back the curtains, letting the grey yet bright London light pour into my bedroom. I took a few steps back, blinded for a few seconds, before turning around and walking over to my bedroom door, pulling it open. I walked down the hallway and into the kitchen, pulling the fridge door open, a blast of icy air hitting my face. I blinked, opening my eyes wider, shivered and grabbed the bottle of milk. I went to grab a coffee mug and glanced at the oven clock. It was 10am. I had been waking up quite late these days, though I didn't know why.

It was Thursday and I had nothing planned, so I decided to try talking to Dan again. I sighed, beginning to make a cup of coffee._ 'I just hope he doesn't yell at me again,' _I thought.

I finished making myself a coffee and stood leaning against the kitchen bench, not bothering to eat any breakfast. I wasn't feeling hungry anyway. I pretty much gulped down my coffee in record time and then headed back down the hallway and into my room. I got changed into some old jeans and my Gengar t-shirt. I was just going to be at home for the day. My sock choice for the day was one green and blue checkered sock and one grey sock printed with red dots.

I peered around the doorway at Dan's closed door. Was it really a good idea to talk to him, after he lashed out yesterday?

-:-

**_Dan's POV_**

My bedside clock showed 10:06am. I stared at it. I had woken up extremely early today, and had just lay on my bed, watching the minutes tick by. I don't know why my mind couldn't just let me sleep forever. Sleeping forever would be nice. You could never wake up, and never worry about reality.

My clock flicked to 10:07am, and I heard shuffling past my door. Phil must be up. Hmph. Like I cared about him.

I tore my eyes away from the dim-lit clock and my gaze feel to the floor. I spotted my laptop, lying open. I guessed it was probably broken, due to the other times I had thrown it. Actually, I'd thrown a lot of things, so they were all probably broken.

I sighed and sat up. I looked across the room and saw Totoro, sitting on my pillow, staring back at me.

"What're you looking at?" I scowled, picking up a book from my bedside table and hurling it across the room. It hit the wall with a loud thump and then dropped down right on Totoro's face, making him fall backwards.

I folded my arms, satisfied. And after looking around my room again, I saw Pikachu, also looking in my direction. I had nothing else to throw so I stood up, stomped over and kicked the Pikachu, making it fly across the room and slam into the wall and drop down next to Totoro.

I glared at the plushies, my fists clenched. "You all hate me," I muttered angrily. "ALL OF YOU!" I shouted.

I looked around my room again, but there were no more plushies to abuse. They were lucky.

I walked back over to my bed, feeling the urge to either punch the wall or cry. But before I could decide, I heard my door handle twist. I zipped around, watching the door slowly open.

Phil peered into the room. I turned my gaze on his nervous looking face. He spotted me standing there and jumped, surprised of my dark glare, I guessed.

"D-Dan?" he spoke up, sounding nervous as well as looking it.

"What." I said blankly, keeping my glare steady.

Phil gulped. "Erm, I was wondering if you were going to come out of your room today, and for longer than the usual five hours…"

"I wasn't planning to," I interrupted. "I can't be bothered anymore."

"Dan, you can't just stay in here forever," Phil protested.

"Watch me," I shot back, sitting down on my bed.

Phil came further into the room. "No Dan. I'm not going to let you stay in here. You're coming out of this room today."

I glared up at Phil from my sitting position as he came closer, stopping a few feet away from me.

"I've been stupid, and I've realized that something is wrong. Even though I doubt you're going to tell me what _IS _wrong, I am going to help you. I will help you get through this."

"No you won't," I hissed.

"Yes, I will." Phil replied.

_Liar, liar, liar._

"I will help you, Dan. You've got to trust me." Phil said.

Trust? Was he joking? I couldn't trust anyone!

"Why would I ever trust you?" I growled.

Phil looked taken aback. "Dan…why not? We're best friends...we trust each other…"

Friends. _FRIENDS._ I paused for a second, but then shot back at him. "I have no friends." I snarled. "You've all given up on me."

"Given up?" Phil questioned. "Dan, what are you talking about?"

I jumped up. "You've all given up!" I cried angrily. "Weeks ago, I was feeling horrible, and you didn't even notice me! You were locked up in your own little world filled with lions and fluffy kittens. As the weeks went by, you just gave up, and didn't even check if I was ok. You left me in the dark!"

Phil looked shocked. "Dan…I thought you were filming a video or something-"

"Shut up!" I pointed at him. "You all gave up on me. You all just gave up! The world out there is cruel. No one likes me, no one even cares, so why should I even go out there if everyone is just going to give up on me?!"

Phil now looked completely horrified.

"So now that's what I'm gonna do," I said angrily, zipping around, my back to Phil. "I'm gonna give up. I don't trust anyone, I don't need anyone. I am perfectly fine on my own, AND THAT'S THAT!"

A long silence followed. I didn't dare turn around to look at Phil. My eyes were filling with tears, my whole body shaking. I couldn't let Phil see. He would just laugh; laugh at how weak I was.

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**A/N: **Review? :3

If you do review, you'll get a free invisible Totoro toy from...erm...my invisible Totoro toy machine. XD

-StarFox-chan


	3. Why won't you trust me?

**A/N:** Hello everyone. FREE INVISIBLE TOTORO'S FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO REVIEWED.

Here is a new chapter for you all, but it is rather short, but the next chapter will be much longer, so you can look forward to that! :D

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dan or Phil.

**Warning: **Language. That's it. Yep.

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**_Phil's POV_**

Words had deserted me.

There was nothing to describe what had just happened and what I was feeling right now. All I could do was stare at Dan's shaking body in front of me in complete silence.

"Go away."

I heard Dan's voice.

"Leave me alone."

I stood my ground, my voice returning. "No."

Dan turned his head slightly. "What?"

"I said no." I repeated.

Dan zipped around, tears streaming down his face. "I SAID LEAVE!" he shouted.

It was SO painful seeing Dan like this. It almost made me cry. I had to help him. I couldn't bear to see him like this.

"I'm not leaving you Dan!" I cried bravely.

Dan suddenly lunged forward, pushing me violently. I stumbled backwards a few steps before regaining my balance.

"FUCK OFF PHIL! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Dan yelled at me.

"NO!" I shouted.

Dan and I both stopped yelling for a moment, catching our breath.

I stared into Dan's dark eyes. I couldn't even tell if they were the magnificent hazel brown anymore. They looked black, soulless, nothing behind them.

Without any warning, Dan suddenly dropped to the floor on his hands and knees. "You don't understand what I'm going through, Phil!" Dan cried, shaking his head, tears falling onto the carpet. "You don't understand what I feel right now!" He looked up at me, his eyes shining from the light from the doorway. "You can't see **_behind these hazel eyes_ **Phil…you understand nothing!"

I stopped. He was right. I couldn't see behind his eyes. There was a black wall, everything, every emotion, just behind that wall.

I dropped to my knees and crawled over to Dan, putting my hands on his shoulders. He tried to shake them off, but he had no strength left.

"You're right Dan, I don't understand what you're going through, but I want to help. I'm going to help you. I can't bear to see you like this."

Dan sniffed and looked up, his gaze locking onto mine, tears still streaming down his face. He didn't look angry anymore. He just looked upset and lost. He wasn't going to be lost any more. I was going to guide him out of this...'depression stage' that he seemed to be in.

"Ph-Phil…" Dan stammered.

"I'm here Dan," I said softly. "I'm here for you."

A few moments to silence past until Dan suddenly sat up and pushed my hands away. I let my hands drops. I don't think he trusted me completely. It would take a lot more than a yelling session for the old Dan to come back.

"Phil…I want…I want to be alone now…" Dan murmured.

"But Dan…" I began.

"Just go." Dan said, turning away from me.

I sighed and decided to push things any further. I slowly stood up and walked to the door. "I'll bring you some lunch later, ok?" I looked back at Dan.

Dan said nothing. He just stayed sitting on the ground by his bed, clutching the fabric of his pyjama pants.

I turned away and pulled the door shut with a soft click.

-:-

It was evening, about 5:30pm. Well, I wasn't exactly sure because I wasn't paying attention to the time since I was playing Crash Bandicoot.

I had taken Dan some lunch earlier, like I said I would. When I entered his room, he was sleeping on his pile of bed sheets and clothes. I shut the door a little louder when I left; kind of hoping he would wake up and eat. I hadn't gone into his room since.

I turned off Crash Bandicoot and wondered if I could get Dan to eat some dinner. I wasn't exactly hungry, but I was thinking of making some stir-fry.

I got up off the couch and exited the lounge, heading to Dan's room. I opened the door and peered in.

Dan wasn't on his bed.

I stepped into the room and saw him, lying on the floor beside his bed.

I smiled at the sight of him, and walked over. It would be mean to leave him on the floor, so I leant down, rolled him onto his back slowly, and put an arm under his back and the middle of his legs and lifted him up, almost bridal style.

Dan stirred and shifted in my arms, clutching part of my t-shirt and snuggling into my chest.

I blushed; my face feeling like it was on fire. Dan seemed comfortable in my arms. He looked so adorable too.

What? Again?

I shook my head_. No, no, I don't like Dan that way. I don't, I don't, I do…no wait, I don't._

I slowly lowered Dan onto the bed, gently pulling his hand off my t-shirt. He frowned in his sleep, weakly putting his hand up to grab my t-shirt again, but then it dropped, not bothering anymore.

I decided to ask him if he wanted dinner, pretending he was on his bed all along and I had just come in.

I leant down and placed my hand on his shoulder and shook him gently. "Dan?"

Dan stirred again and opened his eyes slowly. "Wh…what?"

"I was wondering if you wanted dinner tonight." I said.

Dan yawned and rolled over, his back to me. "No, not really?"

"Please Dan?" I pleaded.

"No." Dan replied. "I'm not hungry."

"Then…what about tomorrow night?" I asked.

Dan shrugged and yawned again. "Maybe. Now go away…" he murmured.

I sighed and picked up the empty lunch plate on Dan's bedside table. I exited the room. Time to make stir-fry, for one person.

-:-

**_Dan's POV_**

It had been an hour since Phil came into my room.

And I had lied. I was starving.

The lunch Phil made for me had filled me up for the afternoon, but that was it. Now I was hungry. But I wasn't going to go out there. Phil had almost gotten to me from what he said this morning. I couldn't trust him, despite what he said. He would give up on me sooner or later.

I rolled over, facing the door, my stomach rumbling. Ugh, I couldn't stand this. Part of me was saying to get out of my room and the other part was saying to stay here in my room.

_Oh fuck this._

I swung my legs out of bed and stood up. I stumbled over to the door and wrenched it open. I shuffled down the hallway and cautiously peered around the kitchen doorway. Phil wasn't there. Had he made dinner already? I ran to the lounge door and looked into the room. I saw Phil sitting at the table, an empty plate in front of him. He had turned around to see something on the TV, but then he suddenly turned back around and saw me by the doorway. "Dan?"

And then I ran. I ran back down the hallway and into my room, slamming the door shut. I couldn't face him. I just couldn't. I fell onto my bed, burying my head in my bed sheets. What was wrong with me?

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**_Phil's POV_**

Dan came out of his room last night. Actually it was probably more early morning since it was 2AM. I was still awake at the time because I couldn't get to sleep as I was thinking about Dan. I heard him go to the bathroom and then he went into the kitchen. I think he went to get something to eat. I was thinking of getting up to talk to him, but then I decided that it would be best to leave him alone.

When I got up that morning and went into the kitchen, I noticed that some items from the fridge and pantry were missing. I grabbed the milk and the rest of the cereal and went into the lounge to eat breakfast.

As I sat down, I was thinking about what to do today. It would just be another stay-at-home day, but then I thought that I should go shopping and buy some stuff that I had wanted for a while now. Maybe I could even get Dan to come along? I could give it a shot.

After finishing breakfast, I headed to Dan's room. I opened the door and stepped in. His room was still in darkness. I saw Dan, sitting on his bed, fidgeting with a piece of clothing. He stopped and turned to me, a blank expression on his face.

"Morning Dan," I said nervously.

"What do you want Phil?" Dan asked, a bored tone in his voice.

"I was going to go shopping," I began, "and I thought you could come with me."

"No." Dan said without hesitation.

I sighed. "Please Dan?" I begged.

"NO." Dan repeated, directing his dark gaze into mine. "I already told you, Phil. I'm not ever going out there again." He pointed at the window, referring to the outside world.

"Dan…" I murmured.

"Just stop trying Phil," Dan said, turning away from me. "You can't help me, and anyway, you'll just give up on me in the end." He murmured the last part.

I blinked, confused. Why did he keep mentioning that everyone was 'giving up'?

"But Dan, I will help you. I told you this yesterday. I will always help you." I protested.

"Just go away Phil," Dan gave a sad sigh and lay down on his side, facing the wall.

I slumped my shoulder, defeated. It seemed Dan would NOT be coming shopping with me today. I sighed and left the room.

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**A/N: **So...yeah. Review? :3

THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UPLOADED SOON. :3 AND CAPS IS AWESOME.

-StarFox-chan


	4. A Surprise

**A/N: **Heylo everyone. :3

Thanks for all the new follows and favourites. I'm glad a lot of people like this story. :3

Now, I have a feeling you will like this chapter. SO BEGIN READING! And it's a longer chapter. BONUS!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dan or Phil.

* * *

**_Phil's POV_**

I spent a few hours downtown in London, browsing the shops, buying few things. I had been downtown without Dan many times before, but it felt so different this time. I decided to buy something for Dan. I went from shop to shop, searching for the perfect present. I finally found some Game of Thrones limited edition book thing, a cool Totoro keychain and a super cuddly and fluffy Pikachu plushie.

I arrived back home, unlocking the door and stepping in. It was 5:30pm in the afternoon, and I guessed that Dan was probably in his room.

I walked down the hallway with the plastic bag that contained Dan's presents. I stood in front of Dan's bedroom door, ready to face him. As I reached for the door handle, it turned itself and the door was pulled open.

There stood Dan, right in the doorframe. He was about to step out when he stopped, his lowered gaze seeing my mismatched socks. His gaze slowly travelled upwards and stopped at my face, catching my gaze.

As we both stared into each other's eyes, I noticed that there was a gleam of hazel-brown, but then it was gone, and the soulless black returned.

Dan was about slam his door shut, but I put my foot in between the door and the doorframe, preventing it. Dan then fled further into his room, crashing down onto his bed.

I pushed the door open and walked in. "Dan, I bought presents for you."

Dan immediately looked up from his pile of bed sheets. "What?"

"Presents." I said simply, holding the bag out in front of me.

Dan paused. "I…I don't want them!" he cried, burying his face in his pillow.

It was obvious Dan wanted the presents.

"Come on, I know you want them." I said, sitting beside him on his bed, pulling out the book and waving it around his head. "Look what I found."

Dan slowly lifted his head and looked at the book I was waving around. His face lit up. "Is that…?"

"Limited edition…or something," I smiled.

Dan snatched the book from me and stared at it.

And while he was looking at that, I pulled the Pikachu plushie out of the bag and pretty much shoved it in his face.

"Isn't it fluffy?" I cried, making it tickle his face and neck.

Dan dropped the book and tried to push the Pikachu plushie away. "Ah! Phil, no, stop!" he protested.

I pulled the plushie away, seeing Dan sit up, spitting out yellow fur in the process. "That thing is shedding!" he cried, staring at the Pikachu.

"It's cute, isn't it?" I grinned. "I thought you would like it."

"Heck no! I'm not keeping it!" Dan said. "I'll fricken suffocate on its fur if it's on my bed. You keep it!"

I glanced at the Pikachu toy and stuffed it back in the plastic bag. It did indeed shed a lot of fur. I guessed that it would soon be bare. A bare Pikachu. How terrifying.

"Oh, I also got you a Totoro keychain," I said, thrusting my arm into the bag and pulling out the keychain. "Because, you know, you said you needed a keychain." I put it down on his bedside table.

Dan glanced over at it and grunted, lying back down on his bed, picking up his book, examining it.

I brushed some yellow fur off my jeans and stood up, clutching the bag tightly. "So…do you want dinner?"

Dan paused, holding the book in mid-air. I could tell he was thinking.

"Please Dan?" I pleaded.

Dan's stomach rumbled and he glanced up at me. "What are you having?" he mumbled.

"Stir-fry," I announced.

"Didn't you have that last night?" Dan muttered.

"Yeah, but I'm having it again."

Dan paused again. He sat up and fidgeted with his book.

I smiled. "If you want some, it'll be ready in 40 minutes." I exited the room.

-:-

I made the stir-fry reasonably fast. A lot faster than it usually takes me. Maybe it was because Dan might be finally coming out of his room and eating dinner with me.

I set the table and then piled steaming stir-fry onto dinner plates in the kitchen. As I took the two plates into the lounge and set them down on the table, I heard a door open. I zipped around towards the door, excited. I stayed frozen, hearing some shuffling and then, Dan appeared in the doorway.

"Dan!" My face broke into a smile.

Dan said nothing. He stared at me blankly, and then spotted the stir-fry on the table. He shuffled over, slowly pulling out a chair and sitting down, just staring at the food for a moment.

I also sat down in my seat, the smile plastered to my face.

Dan glanced at my smiling face and then grabbed the knife and fork.

Seriously, that smile was stuck on my face all throughout dinner. I don't care if Dan thought I was insane. I was just so happy. Dan was finally eating dinner with me, for the first time in a month.

We both stayed silent for about 10 minutes, but then Dan pushed his plate away halfway through the meal.

"Hmm?" I looked up at him, my mouth full of rice.

"I'm…I'm not hungry…" Dan murmured, looking away.

Usually I would have minded, but since Dan was in this depression stage, I let it slide. "Ok, that's fine." I said.

Dan glanced up at me. "Umm…thanks…for dinner."

I smiled at him in response.

And for the first time in so long, Dan gave me a small smile back.

* * *

**_Dan's POV_**

When Phil smiled at me, I couldn't help but smile back. That was the thing with Phil. He made you smile. He was like a joy-bringer or something, bringing joy to wherever he went. Phil's face pretty much lit up like Christmas lights when I smiled back at him.

I quickly looked away from him, my smile disappearing. "I…I'm going to my room now," I said, standing up quickly. I raced for the door, but my foot caught on the chair leg, and I stumbled across the floor over to the door. I glanced back at Phil and then quickly ran down the hallway and into my room, closing the door.

It was dark. Really dark. I couldn't even see where my bed was. So I opened the door again, letting the light from the hallway in. But I didn't want to keep my door open.

I looked around my room and spotted my precious amber lamp, sitting on the floor below the window.

I walked over to it and cautiously picked it up. Slowly, I walked across the room and set it down on the bedside table. I plugged it in and turned it on. Immediately, soft orange light filled the room. Much better.

I walked over my door and shut it, going over to my bed and sitting down, enjoying the soft glow.

-:-

**_Phil's POV_**

After Dan left the room, I quickly finished my stir-fry and then cleared the table and washed the plates. I was still really glad that Dan had actually come out of his room, and along with that, he had actually smiled at me! Was he finally becoming his old self again? I hoped so.

As I sat down to watch some old episodes of Buffy, I wondered if I should talk to Dan, before he turned all depressed again. I moved around awkwardly on the couch. I was finally comfortable. Hmm…after Buffy I'll talk to him, I decided, beginning to watch the show.

-:-

I had lost track of time. As I finished watching yet another episode of Buffy, I glanced at my watch. It was 9:45pm. I switched off the TV and stood up, wondering if Dan would be awake. I decided to check, and decided to go to bed too. I got changed into my pyjamas first and then got sorted in the bathroom, before heading down the hallway and knocking on Dan's door.

There was no reply, so I opened the door.

First I saw an orange glow on the wall and for a split second I thought Dan had set fire to the place. But as I opened the door wider I realized it was the amber lamp. I stepped into the room, closed the door, and saw Dan sitting on his bed, fidgeting with his pillow. "What do you want Phil?" he asked, sounding bored.

I stopped. Why had I come in here again? I just wanted to talk to him, didn't I?

"I…uh…" I paused, feeling stupid. "I…just wanted to…talk…"

Dan looked over at me. "No." he said simply. "I don't want to talk. Go away."

Oh no. Had I left it too late? Dan seemed to have turned all depressed. I should've talked to him earlier.

I stood my ground. "But I do."

Dan looked away. "About what?"

I paused again. "Erm…"

Dan sighed. "Go away Phil."

I slumped my shoulders. Ok, so far I wasn't having much success. I was failing miserably, not even able to tell Dan what I wanted to talk about. But even I didn't know myself. I just knew that I wanted to talk to him.

"Did you hear me? Go away." Dan said again.

"No." I walked over to stand beside his bed.

Dan's black eyes looked up at me, shining in the amber light. "Why won't you just leave me alone?" he murmured.

"Because I'm your friend. I will help you." I replied.

Dan's expression hardened and he got up off his bed and walked over to the wall, facing away from me. "You won't," he said.

"I will." I insisted.

"You'll just give up!" Dan whirled around, glaring at me. He looked like he was about to cry. I immediately felt horrible.

"What's all this about giving up?" I asked him. "I don't understand."

"You should know…" Dan pointed at me. "You've already done it!"

"Wha…?" I was confused.

"YOU GAVE UP ON ME!" Dan yelled at the top of his lungs.

I shrunk down onto his bed, frightened by his sudden outburst. "Dan…I didn't mean to," I struggled to reply. "I thought you were fine…I didn't think you were depressed. I thought you were filming, or browsing tumblr…or something."

"Well I wasn't!" Dan cried.

"Yeah, I know that now!" I jumped up and walked towards him.

"Stay away from me!" Dan yelled. "Some best friend you are!"

I stopped in my tracks. Now that hurt. I stared at Dan. He was leaning against the wall, breathing heavily, tears falling freely down his cheeks. He almost seemed hysterical. I suddenly grabbed his arms and pressed him against the wall.

"Let go!" Dan cried, struggling.

"You didn't mean it." I said slowly.

"Didn't mean what?" Dan cried.

"You didn't mean what you just said. Tell me you didn't!" I said desperately.

"Of course I meant it!" Dan shouted. "Let go of me Phil!"

He was now slipping out of my grasp, so I had to use all my strength to keep him pushed against the wall.

Dan was literally going insane. Since he couldn't use his hands or arms to attack me, he tried to kick me, also swinging his head around in the process. I had to stop him. But…how? I couldn't hit him, I couldn't slap him and tell him to snap out of it…well, I could, but I wasn't going to. What could I do?

Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. I didn't know how or why, but it did and I thought that it just might work. But it was crazy. I looked at the struggling Dan and took a deep breath. Was this the only way?

It seemed like it was.

As Dan slowed down his attack for a moment, I let go of one of his arms and grabbed his chin, tilting it upwards, making him face me. And before I could even register what I was doing, I leant towards Dan and pressed my lips against his.

Part of me was screaming 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!'. I was thinking that too. Why was I kissing Dan? This had been the idea in my head, but I never thought I would actually do it. I guess the other part of me had forced me to, the part of me that said I really liked Dan in that certain way. Did I? Did I really like Dan that way?

After the first few seconds, Dan's tense body went limp, and I let go of his other arm to put my hand on his shoulder. And suddenly, I felt Dan's lips move against mine. Was he kissing me back? Our lips seemed to move perfectly together, in sync. And…it felt…good.

Suddenly I realized that the kiss had gone on longer and gotten more passionate that it should have, and I slowly pulled away.

I opened my eyes as I did, seeing Dan open his eyes and stare at me in surprise. And in the soft amber glow of the room, I saw a gleam of hazel in his black eyes. I continued staring at his face, with his soulless eyes, his pink cheeks, his lips slightly parted. He looked…perfect.

I quickly turned away, realizing what I had just done. "I…uh…night Dan," I mumbled, running to the door and pulling it open. I glanced back at Dan, who was still staring at me from his place at the wall, pure surprise and shock on his face. I shut my eyes, turned away and closed the door.

* * *

**A/N: **WABAM. *claps once and then sits back in chair, satisfied*

HOW WAS THAT? :D

If you review, you will recieve a keyboard and a house. XD

Next chapter will be uploaded soon. :3

-StarFox-chan


	5. Facing the Truth

**A/N: **Keyboards and houses for those people who reviewed! XD

I wrote this chapter as fast as I freaking could. THE ENDING WAS SO HARD TO WRITE I WAS LIKE OMG WHAT DO I WRITE ASDFGHJKL...or something like that anyway.

Also, just wondering, does anyone want to follow me on Twitter or Tumblr? Because I want more followers. XD I see all these other people with like 300 followers and I have like 9 followers.

Review or PM me and I will give you my usernames. PLUS I FOLLOW BACK MY FOLLOWERS. :3

Anyway, on with the story!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dan or Phil.

**Warning: **Language. That's it.

* * *

**_Phil's POV_**

It was morning. Well I thought it was morning. As I lifted my head off my pillow, my room wasn't in darkness, so yeah, it was probably morning.

I was so tired. I hadn't slept at all last night. But there was a good reason for that.

I had kissed Dan.

As soon as I had safely retreated into my room, I had gone insane. Not physically, but mentally. My mind was like a tornado. So many thoughts had swirled around my mind that I felt like my head was going to explode. I had probably just stood in the middle of my room for about 5 minutes, clutching my hair and trying to make the massive tornado in my head stop, before I crashed down onto my bed. I lay on my bed for about an hour, the scene of me kissing Dan replaying over and over in my head. The next hour I remember standing with my face pressed up against the window, looking out at London, lights from the buildings twinkling like stars in the night sky. And then, after that, all I remember was pacing around my room one hour, and then rolling around on my bed the next, my mind just exploding over and over again. And all the thoughts in my head had been about Dan. It was like his perfect face had been burned into my brain.

After finally accepting that I had done what I had done, I wondered what would happen next. Dan looked completely surprised and shocked when I saw him, so I guessed that he would have been standing in his room for a few minutes after I left, wondering what the heck had just happened. After that, I wouldn't know what he would have done. His best friend just kissed him. How do you react to that?

So now the question was, what would I do today? Completely avoiding Dan or pretending the kiss didn't happen didn't seem like good options. But what else was there to do? I couldn't think of anything else. Making contact with Dan today would just make me freak out. Should I just stay in my room and sleep? I was tired, having stayed up all night.

Suddenly, my stomach rumbled, making me snap out of my trance. I should probably get some breakfast…and then retreat back into my room…and sleep for the rest of the day.

I stood up and sleepily stumbled over to the door. I reached for the door handle and slowly pulled my door open…

-:-

**_Dan's POV_**

I was confused as heck.

I had a good reason to be confused. And what was that reason? _My best friend had kissed me._

As I had watched Phil exit the room, I couldn't even register what had just happened until 5 minutes later. I just stayed leaning against the wall, my mind going 'what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck just happened'. It felt like my head was going to explode.

I didn't even know what to do, and when I finally was able to regain control of my body, I still just stood there, confused, my mind still repeating 'what the fuck what the fuck'.

There was a question on my mind, and this was: why had Phil kissed me?

Was he in love with me? Was he drunk? Though I hadn't known Phil to get drunk without going to a party first.

I needed answers. I wouldn't get the right one from my mind, so I had to ask Phil.

All my thoughts during the past few days had been pushed to the back of my head. All I wanted to do right now was actually talk to Phil, or at least ask him why. I needed to know. Did the kiss actually mean anything?

_Wait, hold on a second._

_What am I doing?_

_Why the hell do I care about the kiss?_

_It's not a big deal. Ok, well, it IS a big deal. My best friend kissed me. Of course it's a big deal._

I sighed. Since this thought was not going to get off my mind anytime soon, I decided to ask Phil now. I didn't care if he was awake or not. I was going to ask him. I sleepily shuffled over to my bedroom door. I hadn't gotten any sleep last night, obviously, because of what had happened. So I decided to get this over and done with, and then turn back into my old depressed self, since I apparently wasn't like that right now, and sleep all day.

I reached for the door handle and slowly pulled my door open.

I opened my door, took one step out, and stopped, seeing Phil opening his bedroom door across the hall from me.

Phil looked up and saw me. His half-closed eyes opened wide and he stopped, staring back at me.

We stood there for a few moments, silent, until Phil made a small 'eep!' sound and jumped back into his room, slamming the door shut.

"Phil!" I went over to the door, which was literally just a few steps away and grabbed the door handle and twisted it. I tried to open the door, but it seemed like something was leaning against it. "Phil, let me in."

Then came a reply. "No."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Why are you even talking to me?" Phil murmured, completely ignoring the question.

I didn't reply. I rattled the door handle, sighed, and then threw my whole weight at the door, trying to push it open.

"No! Stop it!" Phil protested, pushing against the door also.

I was stronger than him and slowly pushed the door further open.

"No! No! Go away!" Phil shouted, unable to push the door against me for any longer. He stumbled back further into his room from the force of the door that I pushed open. It swung back, hitting the wall.

I stood there in the doorway, panting, staring at him.

Phil stared back at me with his bright blue eyes. He looked worried and nervous. It didn't seem like he was ok.

"Phil, why are you acting like this?" I took a few steps towards him.

Phil gulped and backed away from me. "I'm not acting differently."

I nodded. "You are."

"Why are you talking to me Dan?" Phil asked. "You usually want me to leave you alone…and…" He broke off.

"…and?"

Phil folded his arms. "Uhh…nothing."

"Phil, it was obvious you were going to say something." I said.

"Why are you acting so different?" Phil suddenly shot back, changing the subject. "You're the depressed one!"

"I need to talk to you about something," I said, taking another step forward. "It's been on my mind and it's bugging me, and it's pushed all my other thoughts away…"

"So?" Phil muttered. "It doesn't mean you don't have to act differently."

"Well, I am, apparently." I said. "Deal with it."

Phil looked away. "If it's about what happened last night, don't bother asking."

"Why not?" I blinked.

Phil sighed. "Seriously, you're asking that? For god's sake Dan, it's obvious. I don't want you to ask about what happened last night because I shouldn't have done it. It was just the first thing on my mind that could probably stop you from going insane. I don't know why I did it, I just did."

I blinked. _So that's why. It was just a solution to stop me from going insane._

I looked at Phil, seeing his face suddenly change from a look of anger to curiousness. "Hold on a second," he murmured. He caught my gaze. "When I kissed you…you…you kissed me back."

I paused. Memories of the night flooded back into my mind. _Oh god, I did, didn't I? Why? Why did I kiss him back? I didn't like Phil that why…did I?_

Phil took a step towards me. "Why did you, Dan?"

I bit my lip. "I d-don't know…" I stuttered, looking away, the thoughts in my mind turning into a tornado. "I don't know why…I just did. Like…like what you just said, you didn't know why you kissed me. So that's the reason why. Same as you. You don't know why you kissed me, and I don't know why I kissed you back."

When I looked up again, Phil had taken a few steps closer. And then suddenly, it hit me, like a brick. I did like Phil. That's why I kissed him back. Because I did like him. That feeling had just been hidden deep inside me, and as soon as Phil had come closer enough, that feeling had popped up, and I realized the truth. Those ocean blue eyes, that jet-black hair, everything about him just seemed perfect. I really liked my best friend. No, more than liked. _I think I loved him._

Phil had stepped closer, and now we were a few centimetres apart. Phil hadn't said anything else, unless while I was in a trance he had said something.

I stared at his face. His amazing blue eyes were filled with curiosity, and they were staring right into mine, making my heart beat a hundred times faster. Goddamnit Phil, why do you have to be so perfect?

"Dan?" Phil murmured.

I couldn't hold back any longer. Seriously, that feeling had grown deep inside me for too long, and now that I had finally discovered it, it took control of my body, and I lunged towards Phil, grabbing his shoulders and crashing my lips against his.

At first, Phil had taken a step back in surprise, but then I felt his lips move against mine, and I felt his arms snake around my waist and pull me closer towards him. And holy shit, this felt amazing.

Without having taken a deep breath before lunging towards him, I pulled away for air. I opened my eyes, seeing Phil staring at me, making my heart beat even faster than before.

"So you still don't know why you kissed me back?" he asked quietly.

"Shut up and kiss me Phil." I murmured, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Gladly." Phil smiled and pressed his lips against mine. Our lips moved together in sync. It was like they were perfect for each other. Phil suddenly moved his hands, trailing them up my back and tangling them in my dark brown hair. I guess this answered my question. There was a reason to why he kissed me. He loved me back.

-:-

**_Phil's POV_**

This had completely changed my day.

One minute I was about to get breakfast, the next minute I was kissing Dan in the middle of my bedroom. It's quite funny how things can change so quickly.

My mind was finally at ease, because I found out that he liked me. And that's why he had kissed me back.

Before I had leaned in to kiss Dan again, there had been a gleam of hazel in his dark eyes. No, it wasn't just a gleam. It was more of a sparkle. And it lasted for much longer. I could tell that Dan was finally changing. Well, I hoped so.

We stayed locked in our embrace for quite some time. Not that I minded. I was all for it. Even Dan seemed to be all for it. Ever since this morning, he had been acting completely different. I didn't know why. Where was his depressed self? Even though I was quite happy that he wasn't his depressed self, I was concerned about why he wasn't. Had he changed overnight? Had that kiss just somehow made him change?

Finally, I had to pull away to breath. I opened my eyes and stared at Dan's perfect face, his eyes flickering open. They gleamed hazel again, but then the blackness returned.

Dan's arms unwound from around my neck, and I unwound my arms from around his waist, and he stepped back, away from me, but our gazes were still locked onto each other.

"Dan…?" I murmured, not really knowing what else to say other than his name.

Dan glanced down at his feet and then back up at me. "I…I…" He broke off, unable to say anything.

"Well…" I breathed out, randomly. "This changes things, I guess."

Dan nodded. "It…it does."

I put my hands behind my back and swayed back and forth.

And Dan and I stayed that way. Just standing there, awkwardly. What do you do after you just kissed your best friend?

* * *

**A/N: **So, ahem, how was that?

Anyways, review and stuff. THERE ARE MORE PRIZES TO BE WON.

Next chapter will be uploaded soon.

-StarFox-chan


	6. Awkwardness

**A/N: **Hello.

YOU GUYS WILL NOT LIKE THIS CHAPTER. D: I'M SORRY, BUT THIS CHAPTER IS BAD, BUT I HAD TO UPLOAD SOMETHING.

The next chapter will be better, hopefully.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dan or Phil.

**Warning: **Language. That's it.

* * *

**_Phil's POV_**

After a few minutes of awkwardly-standing-there-staring-at-each-other, Dan suddenly turned and ran into his room.

I blinked. Ok, so…yeah. That happened. Dan and I had just shared a passionate kiss.

Breakfast was completely off my mind now. Butterflies had filled the emptiness in my stomach. But now I had to figure out what to do next. Should I follow Dan, instead of letting him slip away?

-:-

**_Dan's POV_**

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

What did I just do?

This is what was wrong with me. I do things first and then think about the consequences later. Wait, were there any consequences? Yes, there were. Even though Phil apparently liked me and kissed me back, he could still kick me out, or move out himself.

Umm…would he?

…

I DON'T KNOW.

Suddenly, I heard the door handle twist and heard Phil enter the room.

"Dan?"

I turned around to face him. "What Phil?"

"Umm…" Phil fidgeted. "We…we should…"

"Talk?" I suggested.

Phil nodded. "Yeah. About…"

"Why we kissed?"

Phil caught my gaze. His amazing blue eyes were filled with worry and concern. "Yeah."

"There's nothing to talk about…" I murmured, turning away. "We kissed. That's all there is to say."

"I know, but…" Phil broke off. "We just have to talk…"

"No we don't. "I said sternly. "Just leave me alone."

After a few moments of silence, I heard Phil sigh and exit the room, closing the door behind him. And as soon as he left, I let the tears fall.

* * *

**_Phil's POV_**

I sat in the lounge all day, watching the TV, but not really paying attention of the programmes airing. My mind was just screaming 'DAN! DAN! DAN!' like a siren, and his perfect face kept appearing in my mind every few minutes.

Dammit. I really needed to talk to him, but seriously, about what? My opinion was the same as his. We kissed…and that's it. We have nothing to talk about. Or did we? If we did, it was hidden deep in my mind, and I couldn't be bothered to dig it out.

I really wanted to talk to Dan, but I decided to leave him be, like he wanted. He did however come out of his room today. I didn't dare go talk to him though.

Dan only went into the kitchen and bathroom as far as I know.

The day eventually passed, the hours ticking by very slowly. It felt like the day dragged on forever.

I was in a trance all day. I ate nothing, I drank nothing, I did nothing. The only think I did do was sit there on the couch and stare off into space. I was fully aware that I was in this state but I did nothing to stop it. I let myself just sit there.

They day eventually came to an end and when I turned my head and looked at the clock, it was 11pm.

I slowly sat up, my mouth dry, my stomach empty. What had happened to me today? I kissed Dan and then went into a state of depression or something.

I shuffled across the apartment to reach the kitchen, having a drink for the first time today. I took my drink to my bedroom. As I did, I looked back out my bedroom door, seeing Dan's shut door. I remembered that I was going to respect Dan's decisions and leave him alone, but the urge to talk to him was too great, and I fled my room and burst into Dan's room.

I turned, seeing Dan standing by his bed, holding something in his hands. Dan turned and looked up at me. And in the amber lamp's light, I could see that his eyes were red.

"Phil…" Dan choked out.

"Dan…" I murmured. My eyes darted down to his hands, where he was holding the Totoro keychain I had given him.

Dan slowly walked over to me. His eyes were filled with tears. "I…I didn't mean what I said…this morning…" he murmured, "…about you…leaving me alone…"

"I didn't think you did." I replied, feeling like I was about to burst into tears myself.

"I've been so stupid…" Dan murmured. He dropped the keychain to the floor and walked over to the bedroom wall.

I bent down to retrieve the keychain and saw Dan, facing the wall. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," Dan muttered. Suddenly, he placed both hands on the wall in front of him and leant forward, banging his head on the wall.

After a few seconds, he did it again.

"Dan-"

**THUMP.**

"Dan, why-"

**THUMP.**

"Can you not-"

**THUMP.**

"Stop it Dan-"

**THUMP.**

"Dan, stop-"

**THUMP.**

"Stop-"

**THUMP.**

"STAHP-"

**THUMP.**

He did it once more before looking over at me.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"I have been stupid," Dan replied bluntly. "I have to punish myself."

I dropped the keychain and ran over to Dan. "No you don't Dan," I said, pulling him away from the wall and into the middle of the room.

"I have to do it somehow," Dan said, looking at the floor.

"No, you don't have to do anything," I said, titling his chin upwards and making him look at me.

Tears slid down his cheeks and he pushed my hand away. "I do," he insisted.

"Dan, stop talking like this," I said desperately. "It sounds like you're going to start cutting yourself…"

Dan paused. "Maybe I should…"

I instantly regretted saying that.

"No, you're not going to start doing that," I protested, grabbing his wrists. "I won't let you."

Dan sighed and looked up at me. And then it happened again. I slowly leant in and kissed him. I thought it was going to last a while, until Dan pulled away from me.

I blinked. Before, Dan didn't want the kiss to end.

"Dan?"

Dan was staring at the floor, his head lowered. I let go of one of his hands and hesitantly brushed a large strand of his dark brown hair away from his face.

Dan sighed again and glanced up at me from beneath his side-fringe before lifting his head and looking at me again. "I…" He broke off.

"Dan, what's wrong?" I asked softly.

"This…us…" Dan began. "…it feels strange."

"But we're…not even together," I said slowly. "We haven't even talked about it."

"Is…is this even…normal?" Dan murmured.

I nodded slightly. "Completely."

"Yeah, but…with us…?"

I paused. "I…I guess."

Dan bit his lip. God, he was freaking adorable when he did that.

"It just feels…odd…" Dan murmured.

"Why?" I asked gently.

Dan shrugged. "Maybe it's because…it's with you."

"Is that a bad thing?" I squeaked after a few moments of silence.

Dan looked up at me in alarm. His dark eyes suddenly filled with shock. "No, no, it's not a bad thing!" he cried desperately. "It feels old because you're my best friend and now we're…well…"

Our gazes locked.

"…are we…?" Dan murmured.

"…we both like each other, right? I asked quietly.

Dan nodded.

"Then…yeah….only if you're ok with it..." I replied hesitantly.

Suddenly Dan leant forward and gently pressed his lips to mine in a way of reply.

I smiled against his lips and let go of his wrists, wrapping my arms around his body and pulling him towards me.

Dan moved his hands up, tangling them in my jet-black hair.

Dan and I were now closer than ever before. It felt good. We both pulled away for air but immediately leant back towards each other. With Dan, it just felt so right and so perfect. It was seriously like we were made for each other.

I pulled away again for air, and was about to lean in again when Dan lowered his head and untangled his hands from my hair.

"Dan?" I asked.

"I…I…" Dan began.

"Yes?" I prompted.

Dan immediately stopped.

Silence filled the room and Dan continued to stare at the floor.

"…Dan?"

"It's…nothing…"

"What?"

"It's nothing." Dan repeated.

"What's nothing?"

"What I was about to say…it was nothing." Dan replied.

"Are you sure-?"

"YES." Dan replied, a little too loudly.

I blinked and unwound my arms from Dan, and he stepped away from me, keeping his gaze on the floor.

I stood there awkwardly. Ok, so one minute Dan was kissing me and then the next minute he was…not. I think his 'depressing self' was coming back. I didn't know how to help, so I thought I better leave him alone.

"Should I go?" I asked slowly, taking a step towards the door.

Dan looked up at me and was about to say something, but he stopped himself and then sighed. "Yeah…" he murmured. "It's late anyway…" He trailed off.

"Alright. Night Dan." I said, before turning to the door. I glanced back at Dan before closing the door between us.

* * *

**A/N: **... *hides behind rock*

You may review, if you want.

Next chapter will be uploaded soon.

-StarFox-chan


	7. Confusion and the Truth

**A/N: **Here it is! The chapter you have all been waiting for!

...or something like that anyways.

ANYWAYS, this chapter is longer and much better! And sorry for the cliffhangers I've been giving you, but I'm supposed to do that! X3

The next chapter might take a while, because I have to think about what happens next. And since I'm writing this story at school in a book, it takes me longer to write it and then type it up.

ANYWAYS (again), on with the story!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dan or Phil.

* * *

**_Dan's POV_**

I was wrong.

I had been wrong a lot lately.

It was now 1:30am and I was still awake. I was standing by my bed, staring at my amber lamp. It was raining softly outside. I could hear the raindrops pattering on the windowsill.

I had not wanted Phil to leave. I had wanted him to stay with me. All night. But of course I had been stupid and said that he should have left. This is why I had wanted to punish myself. But not right now. I had to do something.

I grabbed a fluffy midnight black blanket Phil had gotten me last year for Christmas from the floor and switched off my amber lamp. In replacement of the light, darkness filled the room. I felt my way along the wall for the door and flung it open. I reached forward across the hall and found Phil's bedroom door handle and I slowly opened the door.

It wasn't very dark in Phil's room, since he had left his blinds open. I shuffled into the room and accidentally shut the door loudly.

Phil woke with a start and sat up, looking around. He jumped when he saw my dark form standing by the now closed bedroom door.

"Dan?" he asked.

"Who else would it be?" I answered quietly.

Phil paused. "Right…" He cleared his throat. "What are you doing in here Dan?"

I shifted uncomfortably. "Ahem…erm…I didn't…want you…to leave me again…and I can't sleep…so…can I…?" I pointed stupidly at the bed.

Phil smiled in the dim light of the room and lifted up the duvet beside him.

I ran over and crashed down onto the bed beside him, pulling the duvet over me, hugging the midnight blanket.

Phil lay back down and pulled the duvet up higher. "Dan…you've been acting strange lately," he said. "One minute you're depressed and the next minute you're acting fine. It's like you're changing moods."

I hadn't admitted to Phil, but my mind was literally going insane. I couldn't make up my mind with what I wanted to do. It was almost like I couldn't control my body. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and I didn't know how to cure it, so I left it.

"Hmm." I replied, closing my eyes.

Suddenly, I felt two arms wrap around my back and pull me across the bed.

I snapped my eyes open, seeing Phil's face close to mine.

"Night Dan," Phil said.

"Night…Phil…" I murmured in reply, closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

* * *

**_Phil's POV_**

When I woke, Dan had gone. I sat up, yawned, and then sighed. After I kissed Dan, everything went pear-shaped. I guess everything kind of was pear-shaped with Dan being depressed at the start, but now it was even more pear-shaped, if that was possible.

I yawned again and swung my legs out of bed, standing up. I had guessed that Dan had gone to his room. As I pulled the bedcovers up to the pillows, I spotted a midnight blanket on the other side of the bed. Dan must've left it when he left. I walked over to the other side of the bed and picked it up, my hand disappearing in fluffy black fur.

I walked out of my room and knocked on Dan's bedroom door. There was no reply, but I opened the door anyway. I stepped in, seeing Dan sprawled on his bed, asleep. I wondered why he had left me and come in here. I lay the blanket on top of him softly and decided to let him sleep. The curtains were somehow open so I shut them and switched on the amber lamp, letting the soft orange light fill the room. I smiled warily and left the room.

-:-

The day passed quite slowly. It was just another stay-at-home day. At lunch I remember we had the radio show tonight. I called the BBC, telling them we had to cancel since Dan was very 'ill' and I wasn't feeling too good either.

In the past weeks when Dan was depressed, he had done the radio show with no problem at all. All he said to me was 'let's go' and then he just 'talked' to me like he was supposed to during the radio show, and then when we go home, he went back into his room and into his depressed state.

But I didn't think Dan would be able to handle the show this week. And neither would I.

So during the day I cleaned the kitchen and the lounge and played PlayStation. I left Dan alone. I took him lunch, but when I went to get the plate a few hours later, the food on it was untouched. I guess he wasn't hungry.

The late evening passed by much slower since we weren't doing the radio show. Dan was shut up in his room and I was in the lounge on my laptop, browsing tumblr and twitter. I hadn't been on these sites for a while and my fans were already wondering where Dan and I were. To ease their worry I told them that Dan was ill and that I was just busy. I didn't tell them what I was busy with, but my fans accepted the answer.

At around 10pm, I stood in the space between Dan's bedroom and mine, wondering if it would be a good or bad idea to check on Dan. After a minute of intense thinking, my curiosity got the better of me and I slowly opened the door. I cautiously peered in, seeing Dan lying on his bed, still asleep. He was fine.

I closed the door quietly, glad that I checked on him, strangely enough. I went into my room, lay down on my bed and fell straight to sleep.

-:-

Soon, it was Wednesday. The last two days had gone by quite quickly. And they had been two days of boringness. Dan had been completely ignoring me and not coming out of his room. But he had been eating the lunch and dinner I had been taking him.

Today I had pretty much spent all day making another 'awkward story of my childhood' video, because I had to film something for my phillions. Within minutes of the upload in the late afternoon, there were already comments flooding in. They all enjoyed it. I was glad.

As I exited the room, I glanced at Dan's door and stopped in my tracks. Now was the perfect time to talk to him. I grabbed the door handle. I had left him for 3 days, so surely he had to be ok now. Right?

I opened the door and stepped into the room.

I saw Dan, eating the last of the sandwich I had made him for lunch. As soon as he saw me, he stopped eating.

I stepped in further and suddenly his eyes widened and then he picked up the plate and threw it in my direction.

I shouted out in surprise and jumped out of the way as the plate whizzed past me and smashed into the wall, transforming into a hundred pieces.

I stared at the now broken plate in horror and then switched my gaze to Dan, who had his back to me.

"What was that for?!" I cried out.

Dan was trembling now.

I instantly regretted shouting at him, even though it was appropriate, and slowly walked towards him. "Dan…?"

"Stay away!" Dan suddenly yelled.

I stopped. "What?"

"Stay…away…" Dan stuttered.

I paused for a moment. "Why?" I asked.

Dan didn't reply. He just continued to shake.

I reached out towards him. "Dan…"

Dan suddenly zipped around and slapped my hand away. "Don't!" he yelled.

I withdrew my stinging hand and stared at Dan. "Dan, what's the matter?"

-:-

**_Dan's POV_**

"Dan, what's the matter?"

I hugged my shoulders. "Everything…is…fine…"

"Dan! Obviously everything is not fine!" Phil cried. "You just threw a plate at me!"

I continued to shake uncontrollably. I could feel myself slipping into hysterical-ness. But I couldn't stop myself now.

"Dan, what's wrong?" Phil asked. I could hear the worry and concern in his voice.

"Nothing is wrong. Leave…leave me…alone," I stuttered, closing my eyes. How could I ever say that again? I hated being left alone.

"You know you don't want me to do that," Phil murmured. He suddenly jumped over my bed and landed beside me. I felt him grab my wrists and pull me to face towards him.

"Dan." Phil said firmly.

I slowly opened my tear-filled eyes and looked at Phil, staring into his sparkling ocean-blue eyes which were staring into mine.

"Tell me what is wrong," Phil said slowly and clearly.

My shaking had died down a little, but I was still trembling.

"I…I…" I stuttered.

"Dan…come on…tell me," Phil said softly, placing a hand on my cheek and wiping away the tears that were now falling freely down my face.

"I…can't!" I blurted out, trying to turn away from him.

Phil's grip tightened on my wrists. "No, stop."

I stopped.

Phil sighed. "Why won't you tell me?"

"I don't know how!" I wailed.

Inside my head was a hurricane. It felt like my head was going to explode. All my thoughts were swirling around and around and they wouldn't stop.

"It's all so confusing!" I yelled, clutching my hair. "I can't make up my mind and I do things without thinking about what the consequences are! It's been happening for weeks….and everything has just piled on top of my confusion! And when you kissed me…it just added to it….and I just did things before thinking first, and...and…" I felt myself starting to shake again, "…and…and…**I'M JUST SO CONFUSED!**" I screamed.

After my scream, silence filled the room. I stayed put, panting and trembling. My eyes were closed so I couldn't tell what Phil's expression was.

After a few more minutes of deafening silence, Phil spoke up. "Dan…" His voice sounded quiet and weak. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, tears still falling down my cheeks. "How could I?" I whispered. "The confusion stopped me from telling anyone. And plus…I thought everyone had given up on me…"

Phil grabbed my shoulders. "And you now understand that I would never do that to you, right?"

I nodded and sniffed. "Now I do." I murmured.

Phil gave a small sad smile. "But Dan, who else do you claim to have given up on you?"

I sniffed again. "Everyone."

"Everyone?" Phil questioned.

I nodded. "Yes, yes. Everyone."

Phil gave me a confused look. "And who do you mean by 'everyone'?"

"Everyone," I murmured again. "Everyone I know."

Phil still seemed confused. "Dan…no one, out of the people we know, has given up on you." He said.

I sniffed again. "But they're thinking about doing so, because I'm such a failure."

"Dan!" Phil cried. "Stop it! You're not a failure!"

"I am." I said bluntly.

"Dan, look at me." Phil said firmly, tilting my chin up to make me look at him. "If you are a failure, then how do you explain that you have a successful Youtube channel with 2 million subscribers and a radio show with me at the BBC? Hmm?"

I stayed silent. He was right.

Phil let go of me and sat back, satisfied.

Yeah, I had been thinking that everyone I knew were thinking of giving up on me, but I realized that I had thought about that so much that I had images of them in my head, saying to my face that they hated me and were giving up on me.

I had stopped trembling and I was calming down. Yeah, the thoughts were still swirling around my head, but it wasn't a massive hurricane anymore.

I looked up at Phil and caught his gaze.

Phil suddenly smiled.

"What?" I asked.

Phil's smile grew wider. "I can see hazel in your eyes."

* * *

**A/N: **I love the ending of this chapter. :3 It made me smile when I wrote it.

So yeah. Review please. I'd like to know who is reading this, and what you all thought of this chapter. :3

-StarFox-chan


	8. Author's Note

**A/N: **Hey...everyone...

*hides behind rock*

I'm really sorry about no new chapter in a while.

I started writing this story at school, meaning this story is handwritten. I had to type it up, from the book I was writing in, onto my laptop, and to be completely honest, I hate doing that. All the chapters, except chapter 5, were handwritten.

I probably won't handwrite the next chapter, depending on if I get an idea at school, but I'll try my hardest to write a new chapter this week. Plus I'm working on my collection of phan one-shots, and most of them are handwritten too. So...if you want something to read, read that. XD

Anyways, I will try either upload a one-shot in my collection, or the next chapter of this.

Yeah.

-StarFox-chan


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